in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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