This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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