This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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