I want to stick my p in your. b.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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