I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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