We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
