Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
