I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
