when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
