i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize