Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
