Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
