now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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