the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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