I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize