Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
