I just cut my nipple shaving
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
