do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
