I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
