I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
