Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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