i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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