you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
