from now on my penis is your penis
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
