hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize