Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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