how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
someone owes me an orgasm
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize