Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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