do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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