You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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