I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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