When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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