dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
