Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
