I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
