Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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