I think i sorta joined a cult last night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You are the jesus of drinking
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
