My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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