Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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