And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
