and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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