I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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