Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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