Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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