I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
