So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
