dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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