i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Let's get the cat blown out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
