This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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