don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
