New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
