we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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