At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it was like eating out sand paper
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
