is wine microwaveable?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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