she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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