I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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