is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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