I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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