WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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