Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
