Your face is a jimmy john
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
