8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize