Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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