This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
