a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
