I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
