i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
