carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the condom got lost in my hair
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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