I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
