omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
