um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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